I spend so much time busying myself and not slowing down. The work stops and my mind screams, “You are useless! You will never amount to anything!” So, the race picks up. The problem is that I willingly increase the speed, looking for approval in one sense and just the quieting of the loud pessimistic screams in another.
Either way the pace is wracked with idols and failures, anxieties and pain, insecurities and seeking for approval.
Does this sound familiar?
It does to me too.
The pain and power of doubt seem to even be worse than the severity of rejection. There is a finality to rejection. Doubt seems like a different outcome could be possible, just more than likely, not with you.
Are you plagued with this type of doubt? The kind where the way you try to fight it is with busyness, more than Him.
I struggle with it also, the problem is that I have found that trying to be busy is more of an impersonal pursuit, when He is calling me to rest in Him.
I wonder how much more productive I would really be, both mentally and physically, if this change would really be made.
Want to join the experiment?
What reasons have you found that you keep your self busy (in an unhealthy way)? What do you specifically doubt about God and your self?